And how cares about Tinder anyway

Tinder

I was not able to even carry me to do the Vanity Fair blog. Report after story regarding relationshipchallenged New Yorkers. Fellas in New York treat women awfully and talk about this on Vanity Fair. Hmm, you do not say?

The VF article is definitely a retread of a theme that has been crushed till death through the press and internet dating blog writers for pretty much two years, but VF chosen to spend time with a bunch of New Yorkers whom rack up Tinder sex mates like there’s no tomorrow and talk to them like they’re grown ups or something similar. The writer definitely emerged from a cave a week ago and the very first thing these guys did was go on a Tinder date and from now on she’s damaged for lifetime.

Astonished the cover shot wasn’t an Annie Liebowitz picture of a Twenty-four year old lad with a $Twenty five hundred suit moving down a fire escape at 7 a . m . while seeking at Tinder, on his way to conquer another target before dragging him self directly back to his $7500 a month apartment he shares with plenty of neckbeards learning to code at the same time working at Venture-financed Startup X.

“Its an eye opener and clarification of a female’s worst type of fear. The people are swiping instantly to hook up and its all simply a game.” Give me a break. The ladies who permit males to behave this manner are just as complicit on the destruction of modern courtship as Tinder can be. And then Tinder is at the bottom of the pile, besides Ashley Madison.

In N . Y thighs are spreading like there’s no tomorrow and in Japan people are so timid they must date pillows and robots and artificial gals on text messages services. Please do not get me going on the dolls. Can somebody head over to Japan and assist those poor folks?

What the hell did web dating did to us?

Mitch temporarily regresses with women

women

-It’s Friday, Friday. Gettin’ down on Friday. Party and party Yeah! FUN FUN FUN! What ever happened to Rebecca Black? She was the voice of our generation.

-I used to have/sometimes do still have a habit of placing higher expectations onto people for no reason whatsoever. Okay mainly women. I’m pretty good at reading people. I have that Terminator scanner when it comes to finding out what kind of person you are. COME WITH ME IF YOU WANT A DATE! You can get a fitting feel for someone based on their social cues or the way they carry themselves. In my pursuit of women, I sift through those that tickle my fancy and those that don’t.

I recently came across someone who I had done this with. It was someone I had not seen in a while, but based on thoughts from my past, I had made them out to be something great in my head based on pure speculation, that when we hung out, it didn’t live up to expectations. Of course it didn’t, how could it? There was nothing wrong with the person, they were fun to be around, and I had a good time, but it was because of this bull shit that I had created in my own head, I walked away from it feeling disappointed.

I talked about it a little bit on the podcast, slipping back into a some of my silly childish ways of the past. For the most part, I am not the guy that I was in high school, at least in terms of how I interact with people. I am not that shy, quivering toddler that I was during my teenage years anymore. But as I said in the podcast, there are certain women that can knock me back into that guy. But… hi… you’re…um cute… and stuff.

This is a habit that has carried over from my days as a sheltered high school virgin. Now I’m a college educated virgin. I think because it was a person from my past, it triggered my inner teenager Mitch: the guy who creates this false allure based on predeterminations I’ve created in my own head. Combine that with the delight of nostalgia and you have yourself a whirlwind of womanly whimsy. Here is the thing though, that shit doesn’t exist. It is all made up, and for me to act like it is even remotely close to reality is ludicrous, and quite frankly ruining, or at least affecting, my chances with women.

The only way to eradicate the petty nonsense I create in my own head is to be 100% honest and upfront. Sure it may not go swimmingly, but I will no longer have to deal with these ridiculous cranial concoctions and the truth will be out in the open. In the end, they are just people trying to get by, just like everyone else. No need to treat them like anything other than human.

Ashley Madison gets hacked Karma

ashley

Ashley Madison gets hacked. Karma?

The website Ashley Madison was hacked yesterday. For those of you that don’t know, Ashley Madison is the online service centered around privately having an affair. They pride themselves on being discreet, so that cheaters can be confident in their ability to be a slimy piece of shit to their spouse. Ashley Madison is part of the Avid Life Media company which owns other charitable sites like CougarLife and EstablishedMen. These are quality individuals. The hacking group “The Impact Team” (not the coolest name, I would have went with “The Cheater Defeaters” or anything that doesn’t have the acronym “TIT”) is threatening to publicly release the information of over 37 million Ashley Madison users if they don’t take down the site.

First of all, 37 million people? 10% of the country is rubbing butter on their left ring fingers to pop those karats off. I would have never guessed that many people sneak around trying to get their cheat on. That explains the high stamp prices; the Post Office has so many ‘Dear John’ letters to send. Stamp jokes? Really? It’s Monday cut me some slack. The users are at risk of having all their information go public, that includes addresses, financial records, and sexual fantasies. Divorce lawyers are wetting their drawers with excitement.

Here is the juicy part: Ashley Madison may be behind all of this. Ashley Madison charges users $19 to “completely delete” their profile. Hmmmm something smells fishy here. From a business standpoint, Ashley Madison has the ultimate leverage running this sort of site. You have millions of users entrusting you and paying you for a service that could crumble their entire lives if they were discovered. Ashley Madison has 37 million users at the their mercy.

So if you are a conspiracy theorist like me, an “Oh Shit!” moment like this would spark a HUGE AMOUNT of income from users deleting their profiles. Hypothetically, if 10% of their users deleted their profiles from this hack, that is over $70 million immediately lining the Ashley Madison pockets, or bra straps, or wherever adulterers keep their money. There is no better business tactic than creating chaos for profit, and Ashley Madison gets paid to keep blackmail on 37 million people. It is evil genius and I would not be at all surprised if they were involved in the hack.

I have not been in a serious relationship, let alone anything that resembles a marriage, but from what I hear, it is difficult. Very, very difficult. It is easy for me to give critique on relationships where I have no real personal experience to draw from but I can’t imagine that snooping around having an affair is a more viable solution than being honest and communicating with your spouse. Perhaps this is karmic justice for those who cheat, or at least an eye-opener for those who feel like they have no other option but to cheat.

Mitch enjoys getting his balls busted

buzzfeed

I don’t want to brag or anything, but I was in a Buzzfeed video. I already have 5 agencies fighting over my contract, and a TV pilot on the way. But really, I’m a humble guy deep down. If only that were the case. They cut most of the triplet shots but I guess we were enough of a freak show in the video to entertain the masses in the comments below.

The mofo’s in the comments section go hard on everyone. They’re ruthless. I’ve had my battles with comments on the blog, but nothing like these YouTube hyenas. You make any comment about yourself and immediately these devils all reply “Go jump off a bridge into the Grand Canyon you fucking loser.” Alright, sorry I’ll make sure I never mention how this video helped me get through chemotherapy again.

If there is anything I have learned from reading all of those comments it’s that I thoroughly enjoy being objectified. Oh I love it. In person is the best, but I’ll take it in the form of YouTube comments. I’ve always enjoyed getting my balls busted but the idea of having a massive amount of people at anytime supplying you with vicious burns, it’s like a dream come true. It’s a great feeling having people cut through the bullshit and just tell you how it is. You can only get that type of honesty from an anonymous nobody shoving Doritos Locos Tacos in their gullet while they scour the internet at 2 in the morning.

Alex would say it goes even further and that I enjoy being emasculated by women. He says that I enjoy nothing more than to have women belittle me, figuratively speaking. I can partially agree with that. I like the idea of it. I think the idea of me and an Amazonian woman standing naked next to each other is absolutely hilarious. So do you want to bend over to make out with me or what? My rant on short people and tall girls may have you believe otherwise, but it’s just an idea nothing more.

And I think that’s how all joking should be taken. It is an idea, you don’t have to believe in it if you don’t want to. You can take it in and do what you want with it.